Experience: I tried to 'cure' gay people

'It never occurred that maybe you are gay because that's just the way you are'

guardian.co.uk, Jeremy Marks, Friday 20 April 2012

Jeremy Marks: 'I began to think that perhaps we’d got it really wrong.
' Photograph: Lydia Goldblatt for the Guardian

In the 1980s, I started a group called Courage, to "cure" homosexuality. Although today the "ex-gay" ministry seems offensive, back then it was cutting edge, in that we were reaching out to the gay community. The rest of the church just said, "You're wasting your time, they're going to go to hell." We didn't have a "deliverance" approach, but there were some ministries that regarded homosexuals as being possessed by a demonic spirit that could be cast out. We adopted the psychoanalytic idea of an unfortunate family background: distant father, overbearing mother – and this was just a boy looking for a father's love. The idea was that if placed in an affirming male environment, you'd grow out of your desires.

I'd known I was gay from about the age of 13. I got on well with girls, but I didn't feel the sexual chemistry I felt when I watched Richard Chamberlain in Dr Kildare. In those days you could never talk about it. It was a lonely, frightening world.

Then, in 1973, I started going to a Baptist church. It was different from the Anglican one I'd been brought up in. It taught the Bible as being literally true. When I confided in the pastors, they said that resisting homosexual urges was the same as resisting the temptation to steal or lie.

Even though the law changed in 1957 with the Wolfenden Report, the rest of society lagged behind. There was still a sense that what I felt was criminal. But back then, nobody had sex before marriage. That I couldn't have a relationship didn't seem too bad when all the people around me weren't either. It got more difficult later on, when one by one they got married and I was still on my own.

Then, in 1986, I came across a group called the True Freedom Trust and went to one of their meetings, for lesbian and gay Christians who wanted to "overcome" their sexuality. This was the first time I'd met any gay Christians, and it was a huge relief. One evening there was a young man visiting from San Francisco who told how this "ex-gay" ministry called Love In Action had saved him from being a male prostitute. He talked about how God could change your life and how part of that positive change was you wouldn't be gay any more. I went to train with them, and returned to England to set up Courage. We ran a residential programme called Steps Out Of Homosexuality. People came from all over Europe. I did feel attractions, but we believed wholesome friendship was the answer, so I turned my battles into a great cause.

In 1991 I married an amazing woman, the first to lead a (free) church in the UK. We were both in our early 40s, had been good friends for many years, and did not want to be on our own for the rest of our lives. My wife is not a lesbian, but we thought we could at least live a life of companionship and mutual support.

A few years later, we had to close our live-in discipleship houses, but I kept in touch with people afterwards and was dismayed to see what happened. Once people were on their own again, their world collapsed. Family and friends would say, "So, when are we going to hear wedding bells?" It never occurred to them that maybe you are gay because that's just the way you are. I began to see more people losing hope, getting severely depressed. One made a serious suicide attempt.

By the end of the 1990s, the only ones doing well were those who'd accepted they were gay and found a partner. It was as if a great burden had been shifted, that they thought, "Now at last I know who I am. I know I'm in love with somebody and they love me." I thought, this is the kind of result we hoped they'd achieve living an upright Christian life, but they're finding that contentment just being themselves. I began to think that perhaps we'd got it really wrong.

I still run Courage, but now it's with a belief that you can be gay and Christian. We offer a chance to meet other gay Christians and support committed same-sex relationships. It's been difficult for my wife, because she's naturally very concerned that I might therefore decide, "That's it, I want to go and find a man." But we're coming up to retirement age and I wouldn't feel happy just to leave her – feeling abandoned after all we've been through together. Ours may not be the traditional heterosexual romance, but the care for one another's wellbeing is just as real. I try not to look back, but I know I've missed out in a big way – and so has she. She should have been with some heterosexual guy who adored her, as she should be adored.

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About the Challenges of Being a Gay Man – Oct 23, 2010 (Saint Germain channelled by Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack)

“ ... You see, your Soul and Creator are not concerned with any perspective you have that contradicts the reality of your Divinity – whether this be your gender, your sexual preference, your nationality – or your race, ethnicity, religious beliefs, or anything else.The only identity that has any fundamental or lasting relevance to your Soul is your Divinity. Any other way you may label or identify yourself is transitory. It changes from one incarnation to the next. ..."

"The Akashic System" – Jul 17, 2011 (Kryon channelled by Lee Carroll) - (Subjects: Religion, God, Benevolent Design, DNA, Akashic Circle, (Old) Souls, Gaia, Indigenous People, Talents, Reincarnation, Genders, Gender Switches, In “between” Gender Change, Gender Confusion, Shift of Human Consciousness, Global Unity,..... etc.)


"Perceptions of God" – June 6, 2010 (Kryon channelled by Lee Carroll) (Subjects: Quantum Teaching, The Fear of God, Near-death Experience, God Becomes Mythology, Worship, Mastery, Intelligent Design, Benevolent Creator, Global Unity.... etc.) (Text version)

“.. For centuries you haven't been able to think past that box of what God must be like. So you create a Human-like God with wars in heaven, angel strife, things that would explain the devil, fallen angels, pearly gates, lists of dos and don'ts, and many rules still based on cultures that are centuries old. You create golden streets and even sexual pleasures as rewards for men (of course) - all Human perspective, pasted upon God. I want to tell you that it's a lot different than that. I want to remind you that there are those who have seen it! Why don't you ask somebody who has had what you would call a near-death experience?